Torrente de sabedoria

Por Rita Rudner...

* A man will go to war, fight and die for his country, but he won't get a bikini wax. (E espero que seja assim sempre!!)

* I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

* I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. (Por algum motivo justificável, seguramente.)

* I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. (Penso exatamente o mesmo.)

* I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

* I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

* I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. (Excelente!!)

* I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

* In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

* It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

* Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. (É a mais pura verdade...)

* Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. (Esses são os melhores!)

* Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.

* My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

* My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

* Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

* Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

* Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

* Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

* The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.

* The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

* They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

* To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

* When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

* We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.